Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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