I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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