It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
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