I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
