I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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