That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
