I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
