beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
