Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
