That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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