i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
