They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
