but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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