CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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