i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I can't turn off my feet"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
