Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
