I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
