Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
