If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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