I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
