you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
