so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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