You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
