No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
