Tell her she can't have a vagina
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
