I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize