Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
