Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
