If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
