oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
