Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize