I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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