A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
