Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
