I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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