i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
