he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
MIDGETS
????
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
