I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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