a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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