rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
