it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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