If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
