That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
