Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
be right there i have to get my cape
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
