I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize