You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
