So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
