some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
