Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
