12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize