i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize