I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
