Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
