I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
