if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
