Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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