I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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