forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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