the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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