Plan B is the new Plan A
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize