I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
