she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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