Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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