I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
