There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
