just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
