Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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