I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
