'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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