they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
