I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
