I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
