i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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