Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I wish there were birth control emojis
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
