There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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